


the dark side of what i've done

by theriveroflight



Category: RWBY
Genre: Afterlife, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Character Death, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Friends to Enemies, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, Slow To Update, it'll be a while but it's coming
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-18 14:42:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29491494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theriveroflight/pseuds/theriveroflight
Summary: The afterlife is neutral, but people tend to go with the people that align with them best. Clover, at first, is accepted into the other soldiers. But he leaves, eventually, discontent.He can almost approach something resembling happiness...and then James shows up.If it weren't for James, he would still be on Remnant. If it weren't for James, he and Qrow would still be...something. Friends.
Relationships: Clover Ebi & Ciel Soleil, Clover Ebi & Pyrrha Nikos, Clover Ebi/James Ironwood
Comments: 5
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> such a slow burn that James won't even be in the first couple chapters...need to set up the afterlife and the characters in it. I haven't written much Clover POV before but I thought it would be easier to start in his head.
> 
> anyways, my friend Maddy proposed the idea of "afterlife enemies to lovers" on Discord and I was like "oh. OH."
> 
> No volume 8 content will be present in this fic. Major Character Death warning is because, well, this IS a fic set in the afterlife.
> 
> Warning for people here for the ironluck: there's some implied unrequited fair game/ironqrow that will be present, but Qrow isn't dying anytime soon, and probably won't even appear!

Clover doesn't watch the real world. He couldn't bear to see Qrow and his squad, not when he couldn't talk to them.

He was among the fallen. The afterlife was generally neutral, but like calls to like, and at first he was with fallen Atlesian soldiers of both past and present. People who had died with honor, people whose names he learned studying history at Atlas Academy.

As it turns out, they were meaner than he once thought. But maybe it was just that history made them into heroes; made them into better people than they were.

So he leaves them.

(Like he thinks, sometimes, that he should have left the military.)

There’s a pool based around the fallen from Beacon Academy. He thinks he’d get along better with any of the Atlas students there than the dead great specialists of the military.

It pains Clover to leave them, admittedly -- the figures he worshipped, the people he  _ looked up to,  _ the men he aspired to be. But those values…

Qrow was certainly a temptation. And it almost got him.

When they say that they saw Clover’s death, that “dirty Faunus defiling someone else’s weapon with your blood”, Clover shakes his head. The person he blames is himself.

Qrow’s words still echo in his head.  _ “Why couldn’t you have done the right thing? Instead of the thing you were told!” _

He doesn’t know what the passage of time is like in the living world. Time passes strangely, and he is almost unaware of it.

A student he recognizes (someone on Penny’s team back then) approaches him as he watches the students in the valley below.

“You look lonely. And somewhat…familiar.”

“I could say the same,” he answers.

“You’re…Specialist Ebi. Leader of the Ace Operatives.”

“Just Clover. I’m no specialist anymore. You were…on Penny Polendina’s team for the Vytal Festival, correct?”

She nods. “Ciel Soleil. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Sp-Clover.” He notices the way she briefly catches on the words.

“It’s a pleasure to know you as well.”

“How did you get here?”

“I…do not wish to dwell on that.” Clover looks up to the horizon, the blue sky that stretches on forever.

There is no exhaustion here. He hasn’t closed his eyes for anything more than blinking. It’s strange to think about, but reality.

“I understand. Pyrrha still doesn’t tell anyone how she died in the Fall.”

Clover knows of the death of Pyrrha Nikos, but no one knows precisely what happened. The most they got was that the mastermind of the Fall, Cinder, had killed her.

Nobody bears any scars from their deaths. There is no true way to tell what happened to her.

“I guess she has a good reason for doing that. Me, I’m just ashamed.”

“Of what? From what I know, you died fighting for Atlas to capture a fugitive.”

“That, Ciel, is some version of the truth, but I don’t think that’s quite right. I followed orders instead of what was right, and now I’m paying the price for it.”

“Which is why you aren’t with the other ex-soldiers. They wouldn’t agree.”

“You’re more perceptive than I thought, kid,” he says. “I didn’t think I’d be here. For everything I've done."

"You're the one that died, aren't you?"

“I always thought it would be divided. That I would be among evil.”

“We’re all here. For better or for worse. Why’d you come here?”

“I don’t know.” He tilts his head. “A part of me thinks that Atlas will fall, in much the same way Beacon did.”

“About half of us are watching Atlas. The other half are watching Vacuo.”

“What about Mistral?” he asks, even though he already knows the answer.

“Ever since the arrest of much of the White Fang and the death of Professor Lionheart, Mistral has been relatively peaceful. Haven Academy hasn’t been restored, yet, but there are people taking charge of the situation. Besides, we’re more keeping track of the survivors of the Fall, not the kingdoms.”

He nods. “Like team FNKI. And Penny.”

Ciel looks down. “I wasn’t sure what to think when I learned Penny had been brought back. Seeing her dead was certainly…distressing, but in a way I always knew that she could be rebuilt.”

“It doesn’t change the impact,” he adds to her musing.

“I…exactly.”

“One of my other teammates is here. They admired you a lot, would you like to meet them?”

“It would be an honor.” And yet, it is saddening, to know that all these students died for Beacon Academy.

(Clover always knew he would give his life for Atlas. He just hadn’t thought it would be like this. Or that he could even think to regret it.)

She gets up from the hill and walks down towards the pool to the right. Clover watches the two crowds, tersely positioned. It seems unhealthy, to be so obsessed with the living, but they were ripped away from teammates and friends.

He decides to join the Vacuo pool. He isn’t interested in watching Atlas’s fall. It would only hurt him more.

“Who are you?” a student asks, crossing their arms.

“I’m Clover,” he simply says, not elaborating.

“Why are you here?” another pipes up.

“I felt like I didn’t belong.” There’s no need for more elaboration than that, at least for the moment. “I don’t know where to go.”

“And you thought-” the first begins, starting to raise their voice.

“May,” the second interrupts. “Calm down.”

“Okay.” They(she?) cross their arms. “I’m May, refer to me however you want, and I’m part of this group because I died in the Fall of Beacon.”

“So are the rest of us. Brawnz Ni,” the other says.

“He was our team’s leader. The only surviving member of our team is in Vacuo, so that’s why we’re watching,” May comments.

“I can’t bear to watch Atlas,” Clover says. “I died there, and I don’t…I regret a lot of things.”

“I’m sure,” May answers, a clear disdain in her voice. “You were part of the machine, died in it, and now you’re bothering to repent for that.”

“I left the other ones killed in the Atlesian military for a reason. They are…perhaps not as great as I thought.”

“The people who make history rarely are, underneath,” Brawnz comments.

Clover doesn’t say anything to that.

He wonders if anyone will remember the name of Clover Ebi.

He knows that it’ll be disgraced more than anything else, and he deserves that. He  _ deserves  _ the disgrace, to be hated.

He hopes that Qrow will treat him as a villain, because that is how he died.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clover stews for a while. There's a reunion with someone he hasn't seen in a while.

There are many new arrivals on a daily basis. He doesn’t know exactly why, but he can make some guesses. The other dead ex-military members welcome them with open arms.

They probably died like heroes on the battlefield, but he can’t bear to look at them. Can’t bear to know that they  _ worshipped  _ Specialist Clover Ebi, Leader of the Ace Operatives of Atlas before. Because he doesn’t deserve to be worshipped.

He stays with the Beacon kids, on the Vacuo side. People are scrambling because of…something that happened, though he doesn’t know what.

He doesn't really want to know, either. After all, what can any of them do? They're all dead. It's over.

The kids from Beacon still wait and watch as though they can legitimately change the path of the living. Their optimism is admirable, but Clover has trouble believing. And it's too painful to watch the people he would have, how he might have become given the chance.

“Rai told me talking to you might help,” a girl says, standing near the spot where he’s sitting.

“Rai?” He doesn’t want to hope too much…he knows that Raisa didn’t survive, but…

He takes a moment to look at who the girl actually is.

“Raisa. Do you know her?” Pyrrha Nikos tilts her head. 

“I…Raisa Ebi is my niece,” Clover answers. “She probably recognized me.”

He should have known.

“Oh.”

“It is very nice to meet you still,” he answers.

“You probably already know this, but I’m Pyrrha.”

“I did, but that makes it no less important. Call me Clover.”

“Alright. I would ask why you’re here, but I know that we’re all here because, well…” Pyrrha puts a hand to her chest, and Clover can almost commiserate. Probably died from a wound to the heart. “They’ve all made progress, and we just stagnate here.”

He understands that. “The world turns, and we’re all just here, unable to go back to it.”

“It’s…quiet here, and it feels like nothing really changes. I mean, all of my teammates have grown because of their loss, but I think…if I were to redo Beacon again, I would make all the same decisions, even the one that led up to my death, because it was my choice. Or at least…I made it my own. Even if it wasn’t.”

“I wouldn’t,” Clover answers. He already knows that. “It was absolutely not the right choice for me to do what I did.”

“Raisa did say something about that, though I can’t recall now.”

“Do you know how to keep track of time here?”

“Watch them,” she responds, tilting her head to indicate the pools. “It hasn't been too long since you arrived. Perhaps two days? I haven't kept track well.”

“Those felt like an eternity,” Clover murmurs.

“These past couple of years have gone by so quickly. They're the only way I’ve stayed sane, knowing they still get to live their lives.”

Her teammates. Right. Jaune, Nora, and Ren. They seemed alright back when he knew them.

“I had accepted that I would probably die for Atlas.”

Pyrrha tilts her head, probably wanting more.

“I never thought it would hurt this much.”

“Even when you know what's going to happen.” She sighs. “I’ve had time to move past. You’re still fresh. It doesn’t happen overnight. I think we’re all having difficulty getting over our deaths, and that’s why we’re all here.”

He looks back down at the pools. At all of the dead, clinging to the lives of the living.

“I want to talk to Raisa,” Clover says. “I don’t know what I'll say, but I want to anyway.”

“Okay.” Pyrrha gets up. “I’ll take you over.”

Clover rises to his feet, and follows Pyrrha.

* * *

“Uncle Clover,” Raisa sobs as he approaches. She runs up and embraces him.

It’s familiar. He never thought he would feel it again, after Raisa’s body was found in the wreckage of Beacon Academy.

“Raisa,” he says back. Clover allows himself to cry, because what’s the point of holding back anymore? “I…”

“I knew you were dead,” she answers. “I didn’t think you’d come.”

“I…had almost managed to forget, with them.”

“The horrors of Atlas.” The corner of Raisa’s mouth comes up in a wry smile. “The soldiers let all us Atlas Academy students in with them. But they didn’t count on us having a better bond with the other students at the tournament than any figure we learned about in a textbook.”

“Meeting them  _ was _ rather surreal,” Clover comments, choosing to ignore that first comment. “But it didn’t feel right.”

“It’s…good to see that you moved past your loyalty. I mean, a lot of us had to do the same, like Ciel had the most issues. Parker had the least."

He takes in what he knows -- Raisa, Ciel, and Parker were all model students. Ciel was picked more as a  _ handler,  _ and Raisa & Parker picked more for the actual fighting to make sure Penny got through the tournament.

“I suppose that makes sense.”

He has to trust himself. And it's a lot easier to do so when there are less consequences in the afterlife.

Raisa was supposed to be the only one that died. Clover swore to her grave that the rest of them would all live a long life.

He has many regrets. That isn't new. But he couldn't grieve too much for Raisa then; there was so much to do in Atlas and they lost Tortuga defending the kingdom from all the Grimm, so there was just no time.

And Penny was rebuilt, eventually, without barely any memory of the rest of theme CPPR. Perhaps it was easier for Penny to go without the memory of the events that happened at the Fall, or with only a minimal trace of what they were.

“I didn’t think you would be here,” she says. “You were supposed to survive.”

“I know,” he says. “But there was always a risk of death with being in the military.”

“You’re good luck. You were supposed to live longer.”

“Guess it failed me in the end,” Clover says, but he knows the truth. He wasn’t  _ unlucky,  _ he made bad decisions. Those are nowhere near the same thing.

They separate from their embrace.

* * *

Some amount of time passes. He doesn’t know how much, he’s not keeping track really. But not a  _ whole  _ lot. Maybe another few hours in the afterlife, a day in the real world.

Not long, he knows, though he still can’t bear to watch it. He can’t bear to see what’s happening, what became of Qrow and his team. He still checks in with the other fallen soldiers, to make sure that his team isn’t among them.

There are still more coming in daily.

But his team isn’t among them.

“Clover?”

He recognizes that voice. So he turns around to verify that it is, in fact, who he thinks it is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CPPR (pronounced "copper") is the team I made up for Penny so she could enter into the tournament. Led by Ciel as the "handler", as Clover refers to her. Raisa is the R in team CPPR. I kind of came up with her allusion on the fly, but think of her as kind of a reverse Anastasia, the part of her family that died. Having one of Clover's relations being part of Penny's team was inspired by a fic I read, though I can't remember which one exactly. Parker will probably show up soon? They're nonbinary, and I haven't quite settled on anything for them besides that. I'm sure that by the time it comes to writing them I'll figure more out lmao...
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
